Sandra – Gadens Stemmer

My story is a veteran’s story. It’s been over 30 years since I was deployed, and it was only 2 years ago that the trauma and PTSD I’ve lived with ever since were finally addressed.

For those 30 years, my life was a slow suicide, as I ran away from myself: first through work, and later through alcohol.

What do I talk about? How do you carry on when the war doesn’t stop just because you come home – and how do you find your footing again after literally having been dead from drinking? I grew up in a loving home with a father who was a proud soldier. I looked up to him and knew from an early age that I wanted to follow in his footsteps. I joined the military at 17, and it felt like coming home. At 19, I was deployed to the Balkans, where I was confronted with a reality I wasn’t prepared for. I felt powerless, and some experiences stayed with me – without me understanding why.

When I came home, my decline began slowly. My fellow soldier committed suicide, and I was left with anger and emptiness. I ran away, first to the USA, where I had children and tried to build an ordinary life, but what I carried with me kept catching up with me. A sense of unease and restlessness grew inside me.

I began having panic attacks and fainting spells, but I wouldn’t acknowledge it. Instead, I found a way to numb it. Alcohol became my best friend – first wine, then vodka. I developed a functional blood alcohol level that made it possible for me to get through the day, but at the same time it drew me further and further away from myself and those closest to me.

My addiction led to homelessness and a life in which I eventually became so ill that I was given a death sentence. In 2023, I died for two minutes. That was my lowest point.

The turning point came when I received help from the veterans’ centre. Asking for help was much harder for me than acknowledging my addiction. But I met people who understood me, and I realised that there was nothing wrong with me; I had trauma that I hadn’t dealt with.

Today, I live with my PTSD, but I’ve been given tools to manage it. I call it my demon. In the past, the demon had taken over; now it’s no longer my enemy, but something I live with.

On my tour, we’ll pass some of the classic tourist attractions: Marmorkirken, Frihedsmusset, Kastellet, the monument to fallen soldiers and Amalienborg. I’ll talk about what these places mean and symbolise to me.